I am done listening to your talks about how there is beauty in life and that it gets better. You don’t know that.

It doesn’t get better. It just doesn’t. Beauty is in your eyes, and your eyes are not covered by the overwhelming darkness that comes with depression, or the physical pain that comes with anxiety and the inevitable feeling that something terrible is about to happen. Beauty cannot be found when there are voices in your head constantly telling you to kill yourself and you actually want to because you can’t take the pain anymore.

Quit preaching. Quit promising things that you can’t provide, you don’t even know if it’s going to happen. You are not in my place and I am not in yours and just like I don’t know what it’s like to be you, you don’t know what it’s like to be me. No, life isn’t beautiful. Life is painful. It’s painful when you are feeling lonely even when you have all your loved ones around you. It is painful when absolutely nothing makes you happy. It is painful when you are truly grateful for the blessings that you have but you can’t feel them at the same time. It is painful when you cancel plans, when you refuse to go out with your friends because you are scared to get a panic attack and become a show to everyone around you. You are so lonely but you physically can’t be around anyone. You are forced to stay in that prison. It is damn painful when your heart is always beating fast, skipping beats, your palms are sweaty, your vision is blurry and your dizziness is making you lose balance and awareness of anything or anyone around you.

Do not tell me to keep fighting, I’ve put in my blood, flesh and soul into this battle and you are absolutely clueless. I’m not waiting for you to tell me to fight, I am. Every single day. But you know what? I am done fighting.

Do not tell me to think about other people’s problems because believe me seeing other people hurt is one of the reasons I am in this mess.

People got murdered. People got arrested. Families terrorized. Children drowning in the sea because a bunch of countries decided that their laws are more important than human life. People are fucking dying and I am aware of that and it hurts that I can’t do anything about it. Don’t you ever think that there is a day when I don’t hurt for them. But that doesn’t make my pain any easier or less important. I am in a prison, one you know nothing about. I can see my life, I can see everyone and everything I love but I can’t feel it. I can’t feel anything except this endless pain.

Do not tell me everyone have problems. I am aware of that but not everyone is mentally ill.

Quit telling me to enjoy my life because I am not waiting for your green light to find happiness. If I could, I would.

Quit giving me useless unsolicited advice that only makes me feel fifty times worse.

Mentally ill people do not need your preaching. They need you to listen, they need your empathy and your support. Don’t play Buddha, don’t think for one second that you know better than they do. Don’t look down on them because if you were in their place, you would be struggling the same way.

If you don’t have mental illness, thank your God and understand that no matter what you do, you will NEVER fully understand what it’s like to be mentally ill. So just listen.